It's already Friday. We are officially 39 weeks! We saw A. last night and she is looking beautiful as always. She's so calm and collected. Everything is progressing well and she simply said, "The baby will come when she's ready to come." It's almost absurd how lucky we are to have her. Even more so after hearing this week from two good friends about their recent losses after a long struggle to conceive. Even though we are about to have our baby, it still reminds me of all my losses. I can still so easily taste that devastation. Those wounds have been healing but they don't ever disappear.
10. Arm Yourself with Information, But Accept the Unanswerable.
9. Find Other Infertiles.
8. Tune out the noise.
7. It's okay to be angry.
Theoretically, in the face of all the anguish and loss of infertility, you are suppose to "stay positive." I tried and tried with all my might to think "positive" and to not let myself get engulfed with bitterness. But ultimately I think it's really asking the impossible of infertiles to not be pissed off. I mean, we go through hell emotionally and physically only to get screwed over countless times? We have to watch everyone around us get what we want so easily and without effort? I really think we can all give ourselves permission to be angry. Let the inner inferno out. How do you get it out? Go see a therapist, vent to fellow infertiles, write a blog, get a punching bag, scream at the top of your lungs, close your eyes and blast some music and give the finger to all who have pissed you off.
5 comments:
RE: 7--I allowed myself to say an inner "fuck you" to all pregnant ladies. Then I could be okay with them. Letting that anger find some expression, even if it's just some internal acceptance and acknowledgment is so helpful.
Almost there! So happy for you and your family! Can't wait to hear more...
walk. I walk my anger out, works every time.
YEA! Getting closer and closer.
That's a hairy seven!!! LOL Yep, I breath and yell my anger out, both equally satisfying!
I've never commented before, but I am so happy for you. My due date was supposed to be just a few days after yours, but we lost our baby boy in August. I am definitely finding strength from your brilliant and sensitive posts and can especially relate to being intimate with anger. Wishing you all the best and looking forward to your future posts.
You are incredible!!! Way to hit the nail on the head, once again...
You are so close, woohoo!!!
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