Saturday, March 15, 2008
Victory, but the war isn't over
So Little Miss Positive prevailed and slaughtered Darth Negative. Yes, it is a BFP, however I say this with much much caution. My beta is pretty low at 50 so my heart won't believe this is real until we see this number get higher. This morning as I barely got myself out of bed to get to my clinic I noticed some brown spotting. This proceeded to catapult me into a major melt down as I cried all morning waiting for the dreaded call from the nurse. I felt ruin and despair all over again. My heart was broken, and still might be, and my reasons come from experience. I've been down this road before.
A. I had a low beta with my ectopic. I am praying with every cell in my body that this is not ectopic. Please join me in the plea that I will be spared this experience all over again.
B. The brown spotting I also had with my ectopic. Again, I am praying with every cell in my body that this is not ectopic. Please join me in the plea that I will be spared this experience all over again.
C. I am worried the low beta might also mean it is chemical or miscarrying. My last IVF pregnancy, that was indeed in the uterus, had a beta well above 200.
So this is good news and bad news. In my heart, I am half acknowledging that this may not be viable and the other half is still hanging on to some hope that every pregnancy is different. I am in the heinous gray zone and until Monday's 2nd beta we won't know if this is just a small win that will quickly fade back into combat or we are at the start to finally finishing this war.