Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Pièce de résistance



It's all come down to this. Little Miss Positive's whole reason for living has come to this final showdown. As I wait for how my IVF trilogy will end, I wonder if it will wrap up like many satisfying trilogies with the third installment concluding with return, resurrection, and redemption. Will this be a profoundly balanced Star Wars trio, or will this drag on like a Police Academy 4 and 5 where each sequel is more ridiculous than the one before?

As we all know, the two week wait is a magnet for negative thinking. I've been left to my crazy self to try to predict if it worked or not. Unlike the first days after transfer when I felt so flushed with joy with the hard hurdles behind me and implantation ahead, the days leading up to beta make my once happy cruise ship become the titanic. I keep expecting and looking for the iceberg that's going to sink us. I'm crampy, but that could be PMS. I had smelly urine with my last IVF pregnancy, and no sign of it this time. So now I am obsessed with my pee. I'm getting hot flashes and sore boobs but that can be from the progesterone. Then I start to do the lesser of evils asking myself, "Between another failed pregnancy and a negative, which would you take?" You're just fucked any way you look at it. 

So Little Miss Positive knows that this is her chance for a pièce de résistance - her most important part of the collection, the best part of the meal, and most importantly, a chance to prove me wrong. She also knows that she'd rather not be burned and thrown in the trash, as this is what I feel like I would do to my soft plush friend if this doesn't work. So she's gearing up for the fight of her life. It's the ultimate battle between good and evil, light and darkness, good luck and bad luck. But when I look at this epic clash of powers, this messianic climax soon to arrive on beta day this Saturday, Little Miss Positive once again reminds me it's not in my control. It's not even in the control of positive thinking. I believe it comes down to the force. The higher power, God, the universe, the holy roll of the dice, however you want to look at it, is the one in charge. So, yes, I have to say, "May the force be with me, please please please!" My only consolation in these 4 days before beta, besides a lot of praying, is a fortune cookie that simply and truthfully stated:

"The only sure thing about luck is that it will change."

Hopefully this will be the last episode of the adventures of Little Miss Positive. If not, stay tuned for reruns on Channel IVF, The Art of Being Infertile.

14 comments:

Fertilized said...

I know that this is a serious matter. BUT I think your take ans creativity on ART should be MAJORLY rewarded. You are so talented. Sending hte force messsages to save Little Miss Positives' Life with the Double Life Line

Ahuva Batya said...

I always come here and sit in amazement at your creativity, talent, and humor in the face of stress. I am pulling for you,and for Little Miss Positive. I hope you pull off a blockbuster ending, and am keeping all of my fingers and toes crossed for you.

shinejil said...

I am stuck between laughing my ass off at your fantastic video, and being very moved by and sympathetic to your post.

Somehow, putting these struggles in epic terms helps. Little Miss Positive has trained hard for this moment; there are good chances she'll prevail.

Melanie said...

Bravo. BRAVO!! I loved it. I will wait anxiously for news of the rebel-style ass kicking of the dark lord. Go with the force, Little Miss Positive.

Lisa said...

I hope, too, that this is the last adventure of LMP. It's fun to see your creations, but it's time for you to get that sticky ++++++. All best wishes to you. Hang in for the rest of the 2ww!

Lisa from infertileground.com

AddieLynn said...

Here's hoping to for your happy ending!!! Best wishes!

addie

Karen said...

I'm on the edge of my seat wondering what will happen next. I hope LMP and the force prevail.

luna said...

tabi, you are amazing! bravo! encore! so impressively talented, really. do you do this for a living? I'm glad you had some creative and productive way to channel all your energy during the wait. and just think, you've already got an entry for the next infertility film fest.

here's hoping for your happy ending. and may the good force be with you always.

~luna

The Town Criers said...

This is brilliant! And I'm sending good luck for Saturday.

Amy said...

Loved the video! Today is my beta and I feel the exact same way!

Not on Fire said...

You totally rock. I am amazed at your talent. I am only sorry at what has inspired it. I am hoping with you.

luna said...

I've shared this with several people already, and my hub thinks you are incredible too.

btw, if you're looking for something to do instead of poas, I've tagged you on my blog. if not, no worries.
~luna

TABI said...

Thanks luna for the kind words and the distraction! I'll try to work on my list!

A million thanks to everyone for their support during this insane ride. Tomorrow is beta and all of your collective positive vibes really helps me!

tobacco brunette said...

Loved it! And SO hoping you things go well today for you!