Sunday, May 10, 2009

M for mature eggs - O for ovums - M for mixed feelings


It's that day again. The day that reminds me of what I have lost and what I have yet to receive. Happy Mother's Day. Once again I celebrate this day as a daughter, not a mother. I am realizing more and more that this donor egg cycle is going to hurt just as bad as the other cycles if it doesn't work. Somehow I thought it would be a little safer without the physical involvement, but I can tell already that this could really burn, just like the rest of them. 

For starters, we were hopeful of getting plenty of eggs with the 40 follicle report, but turns out we got 15 eggs, only 10 mature, and 7 fertilized. It really hit home that donor egg is no cure all. If this 26 year old makes just a little more than what I made at 37, that's just plain cruel. So will this be a continued joke or will all 7 make it to blast? I just can't help but think how much we have invested in this cycle and we could still have only a few to transfer and nothing to freeze. 

I am actually very glad that transfer did not fall on this Mother's Day. I am quite sick of the cliché days and holidays that keep giving me false reasons to believe luck is on my side. "Oh, this is a good sign," has become a laughable broken record. I transferred on Valentine's day, I've transferred on my birthday,  I've started meds on Christmas day, I've gotten betas right before anniversaries and massive family events. Just stop it -  I just want this to land on uneventful days so I stop thinking it means anything.

Tomorrow I will know the 3 day results and whether we have to transfer them to A. on Monday or Wed. Everything I thought would be easier is not. So please ladies, get the pom poms out and cheer for my 7. Peace to you all on this Mother's Day.

14 comments:

Sue said...

I'm cheering for your 7! Don't worry about the numbers. I'm hoping that 7 ends up being way more than you need. My thoughts are with you today.

'Murgdan' said...

Cheering for your Seven...thinking of you.

Mo and Will said...

i have my pom poms ready. wishing you all the best!

Mo

DAVs said...

Oh how I wish we could just skip right over today..all of us still fighting the good fight. I hope your seven stay strong and that you get what you so deserve--to celebrate this day next year as both a mother and a daughter.

Melanie said...

Pom Poms out; arms extended, ram rod straight, in what I believe is a darn good approximation of the laker girls; bullhorn at the ready; though no short pleated skirt, I am 39 you know. I'm cheering for you and the lucky seven, on this the most melancholy of days.

Duck said...

As always Tabi, I'm thinking of you, your Mr, and you wee babies to be. we deserve some good things to happen.

alicia said...

i have my pom poms and am cheering loud for those 7!

Bottoms Off said...

Good luck!!! (I'll get out the pom poms, but I'll skip the short skirt!)

JellyBelly said...

pom poms out for you!

Sharon said...

Big cheers. Fingers crossed.

Andie said...

I am shaking my pom poms and cheering as hard as I can from Australia! :)

Good luck, Tabi, shaking the poms again for seven fabulous blasts.

Thinking of you and wishing you luck and peace.

Shinejil said...

Grow, guys, grow! I hope this is the cycle that ends the cycle of disappointment.

Working Girl said...

Fingers crossed for you and the magic 7. The only thing the past 2+ years down the ART road has taught me is that crappy young girl eggs are far superior to my text book quality grade A old ones! Best wishes to you this cycle!!!
Megan

Elizabeth said...

Shaking my pom poms (uncoordinatedly) but shaking nonetheless and thinking of you.