Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Guru Little Miss Positive

Little Miss Positive knew that I needed to exorcise some demons today. I am in need of nuclear weapon strength positive thinking. I need a prescription for heartache. As I mentioned in my last post, my friend's pregnancy had not only reminded me of how badly she handle things, but it reminded me of how unfair it all is and what a tragedy for our friendship that she had kicked me while I was down. Recovering from my ectopic I was teetering on the edge of deep deep depression and her pregnancy news was that final push into the abyss. So my resentments run deep for her and her pregnancy. Today, the day she is being induced for delivery, I need another adventure.

So the first defensive move Little Miss Positive told me to do was create an email filter. That's right. Who needs a baby announcement today, or any day for that matter? So I made a nice little folder called "No Man's Land" where all those possible baby announcements will automatically and magically go without even making it to my inbox. Done. Then Little Miss Positive reminded me that this day may be the birth of your friend's child, but it's the day I start my first step toward my child. Stimulate me! I started my stims shots today, marking the cultivation of my fine fat plump eggs. My dose has been cranked up to 300iu of Gonal F and 2 menopur, so we are hoping this brings us more to work with.

Little Miss Positive agreed with fellow blogger luna in that you may be getting lemons, but make lemonade. All these bad memories bedeviling me are not going to help me get pregnant. Why let my friend once again create some kind of emotional mud slide and hurt my chances of success? "Oh Little Miss Positive, show me the way!" I screamed. So she said that you need to first collapse physically. Second, drain the mind. Third, think spiritually. She told me that relaxation results from re-creation and this needs to be a continuous flow. This flow of force goes from higher power to the individual and then back to higher power for renewal. Continuous flow? How can I quiet the mind when I can barely stop obsessing about my pain to write this post? Little Miss Positive looked at me with a Tim Gunn "Make it work!' expression, reminding me that we already have the tools - fertility yoga, acupuncture, and meditation - so use them!

P.S. Little Miss Positive and I recommend Anji's meditation CD "Imagery and Meditations to support In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF)" if anyone is looking for one. 

Stay tuned for more adventures of Little Miss Positive. Posted weekly here on Channel IVF, The Art of Being Infertile.


Fertilize Me said...

I thik that Lil Miss Positive is remarkably smart. I did that PCOS version of those CD's. I started a few cycles before my treatments. I think you and lil miss positive are on to something. Good Luck and Grats on starting stims

Ms Heathen said...

"I need a prescription for heartache."

If only one came with the rest of the IVF meds! In amongst all the syringes and boxes, there should be a small bottle marked 'for heartache'...

Best of luck with the stims.

Ahuva Batya said...

What a wise one is Little Miss Positive. She continues to give you advice that far outweighs and I could provide. You have an excellent life coach in the form of a huge Pee Stick. I actually received my Anji IVF Meditation (why do I always type "Medication" and have to go back and fix it?) CD and listened to it for the first time last night. Then again today at work, after an exceptionally assholish vendor was a big jerk to me. I think you recommended it to me on a comment on my blog and for that I thank you.

I'll leave you with a little verse from The Garden Song, which Pete Seeger sang to me over and over growing up through the record player.

Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
Gonna mulch it deep and low
Gonna make it fertile ground
Inch by inch, row by row
Someone bless these seeds I sow
Someone warm them from below
'Til the rain comes tumbling down

shinejil said...

I think Lil Miss Positive should start her own motivational seminars or something. I was getting all pumped and ready to stim just listening to her!

You're really doing an amazing job of taking care of yourself, including sending any untoward email bs into the void.

I have such admiration, by the way, for the brave souls who grow fire escape gardens. I always tried when I lived in NYC, but our neighbors upstairs (this was a decade ago on the LES) always threw their dirty dish water out the window, destroying my poor green friends.

Melanie said...

You are wise to listen to Lil Miss Positive. And wiser still for having invented her. Happy Stim Day. It's always nice to be doing something to move this thing along, huh?

luna said...

wise woman you are. for all of it -- for listening to miss positive, for diverting unnecessary messages, for focusing your energy and attention, and for taking good care of yourself. I'll bet you make a mean lemonade too...

best of luck with the new stim cycle. time for new beginnings and forward motion...

and yeah, if you find that rx for heartache, bottle it and send some along. we could make a fortune.

Not on Fire said...

I loved this post. You absolutely rock. I am sending you positive vibes.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Does Little Miss Positive make house calls?

Duck said...

Is it possible to borrow little miss positive? I would love for her to come and whisper smart stuff into my ear. Keep me off the edge.

The meditation is great, I use one of those anji cd's as well as the fertility yoga during and prepping for the cycle, I found it helped.
Great that you started stims.

JellyBelly said...

can i bring little miss positive to my yoga studio? she'd be the most popular yogini in town!!! btw, i'm glad that she practices ashtanga, she must be super strong!

Amy said...

Good post. I need a little miss positive of my own. I was fine up until yesterday.