Wednesday, February 9, 2011
When we reached the extreme state of third party parenting, I couldn't believe I was in a state of mind where the words "Third Party Parenting" was the norm. The words "surrogate" and "gestational carrier" were as common to me as haircutter and dentist. Then "donor" became the new word to practice getting used to. It still doesn't quite roll off the tongue as naturally as I would like, but there is deep seeded baggage.
Entering into motherhood, I faced the mommy club I so longed to be in, yet hated at the same time. Products like "breast friend" made me cringe. "What the hell is a boppy?" I once said. Then my words devolved into sing song baby talk - "Night, night!" "Do you want your baba?" "Who is mama?" "Who is dada?" "Did you do a poopy?" But alas, these mommy sounds coming out of my mouth were a welcomed change after the spectrum of weird words flowing from me for so long.
Now as I enter the stage of 2 children so close in age, I am finding another set of vocabulary I didn't know about. I had never even heard of the expression "2 under 2" until a friend congratulated me on the new baby. I didn't know there were things called tandem strollers. I found a great blog called Baby Bunching which is about back-to-back pregnancies. Me and celeb moms are doing a thang now called baby bunching. Who knew? There are even recommended "picks" for us. Then I kept seeing "twibling" floating around? Apparently it is when two babies are born around the same time from two different surrogates or two babies are born from the same batch of embryos.
So I guess I am having twiblings. I never really considered the fact that since the embryos were created at the same time that they are some how "twins." That seems rather absurd to me. That would mean all of us IVF girls are constantly having twins but they are years apart. Sorry, doesn't quite fly in my book. But the article in the NY Times "Meet the Twiblings" by Melanie Thernstrom was a very honest account of her journey with donor egg and surrogacy. The fact that she used two surrogates I am sure made the NY Times lick their lips. But I am glad she wrote it in first person instead of the usually crappy reporting they do on fertility. I didn't see a comment section which is usually where you hear the insanity out there. But I feel like I can say with authority that she got it right.
This new terminology is still strange, still fresh, still finding its way. In some ways the creation of new words like "twiblings" carves out a space for new forms of reproduction and family building. But we won't know for a long while if these new words will be alienating or inclusive. Will the world adopt these words as legitimate and not as some sort of mockery. In the meantime, "twiblings" or no "twiblings," my kids will be 18 months apart and will be from the same batch of embryos and are from the same donor and same surrogate. I think I will just stick to for now saying they are brother or sister.