Monday, November 8, 2010

Top Secret Mission

I've been avoiding this post because I am in complete denial. But we have decided to try for a sibling project with A. With much trepidation, I relaunch into outer space again heading for planet IVF. I never thought I would do this again but circumstances worked out to be able to travel this road again with A. This time with our frozen embryos.

My hesitation stems from so many levels of emotions. On the most positive end we want to expand our family and my husband and I finally figured out the way we can successfully make babies. It takes an orchestral effort, but we know it can be done. On the most negative end, we open up old wounds - running from deep emotional pain of losing the ability to have a biological kid, to deep anxiety of experiencing more loss, to deep financial pains, to deep worries of having to explain surrogacy, to deep fears it's too soon to have another baby, to deep insecurities that we are being greedy. I mean one is enough, two would be icing.

But despite all these scary thoughts, we are moving ahead. We are blessed to work with wonderful A. again and I have opened myself to whatever is meant to be. Just like the first time around, I have all these unknowns that create anxiety but until you take the leap you just don't know what fears will come true. So full speed ahead, we have our transfer this weekend.

8 comments:

FET Accompli said...

Impressive speed to start on a second journey! That's just amazing!

JellyBelly said...

Onwards and upwards! :)

Kim said...

How very exciting! I know it can be frightening, but there is also deliscious ambiguity about it. Wishing you much success!

Celia said...

Good luck!

Ms Heathen said...

Wishing you every success this weekend.

Sue said...

Exciting news - best of luck to you!

J and C Smith said...

I pray it all work out....it is always worth the try :) Good luck!

Dora said...

Wow! So exciting! Of course your feelings are complicated. You are NOT greedy. So glad A is available for you.