Sunday, February 15, 2009

It's an honor to be nominated?

First off, thank you all for pulling for my 3 embryos. We transferred 3 on Valentine's Day which in itself I should be thankful for. But the quality was along that mediocre line that could be too crappy to make it or could be not crappy enough to ruin all chances. So limbo once again. My darker side says that these numbers are no good and that my egg quality has clearly gone down over the years of IVF - perhaps because of age, perhaps the endo, perhaps bad luck. The lighter side of me searches online as always for those stories of hope where ugly lame 4 cell or 5 cell embryos rise to the occasion and create these beautiful bouncing babies. I want to believe this. I really do. 

But the one thing I can say without a doubt was that transferring to A. was an emotional and wonderful experience. We were all led into the procedure room. A man pulled both me and my husband into a doorway.  Lo and behold we were in the embryology lab. We saw all the monitors and the petri dishes! He quickly showed us around to orient us. Then we returned to where  A. was lying down, calmly and relaxed. We watched on the monitor as the catheter tried to suck up our 3 embryos. One in particular, we think the 6 cell, was already showing stubbornness (probably channelled from all my ancestors) and refused to get sucked up into the catheter. So they spit out the two 5 cell and got another catheter to suck them all up. We all laughed with relief, but then they spit them out again. We all kind of let out a gasp. They explained they used a bigger catheter to get them close together and then they needed to get them back into the skinnier catheter for transfer. So once again, the catheter suck them in, this time all 3, in one fell swoop. 

If my kid has brain damage I think I might know why. But what a wild ride. A. was just amazingly composed, ready to welcome my embryos with open arms. All I could do was start tearing up. Not sure if it was relief, happiness, shock, sadness, or anxiety - probably all of them. After practically a year of contemplating, organizing, stressing, paying money, getting on airplanes, and accepting loss of so many things, that 10 minute procedure was done. 

As we wait now, we wait like the underdogs hoping for a chance at that Oscar. Though those big hollywood blockbusters might seem like a sure thing, sometimes the low budget unknowns that don't have the best quality lighting, special effects, or beautiful actors give the performance of their lives. Regardless of whether we win, I feel like I should recognized that in my team - my agency that found my wonderful surrogate, my parents who gave us love and financial help, my RE who held my hand as I fell asleep from anesthesia and hugged me after transfer, the nurse who called to say "hang in there," my husband for eternal optimism and love, my ultrasound tech that cracked jokes all through the transfer to lighten things up, the random man who pulled us into the embryology lab to show us how it all works, L. the husband of A. who stands by and supports her being a surrogate as well as sacrificed his Valentine's Day to us, to A.'s mother who came with her to transfer and gave us her warmth and her time to stay with A. during bed rest, and to A. most of all for giving us the greatest gift imaginable - no words to describe it. So now that I've already said my thank you speech, I have to wait out these two weeks really believing it was an honor to be nominated. 

Beta February 27, 2009 - A.'s birthday

16 comments:

Melanie said...

What a journey, Tabi. I'm pulling for you both, your three and of coure, your amazing surrogate. It must feel a bit surreal this 2ww, huh? Does this mean you'll be grilling A about her symptoms? What is proper "grilling your surrogate" etiquette??

Andie said...

Congratulations on the transfer Tabi, what an emotional journey! Will be thinking of you and your three embryos and A.

Dora said...

Wow! What an experience. Hoping this is it for you.

luna said...

wishing all of you the very best in the next few weeks, and beyond.

Intending To Be Parents said...

I am pulling for Feb 27th to get here really quickly for all of you and for those embies to work their magic! A Valentines Day transfer is awesome and the fact that the beta is on A's birthday is fantastic. Sticky thoughts!!!

Shinejil said...

Oh, I have everything, and I mean everything crossed, for you.

You never know who/what will end up sticking, and, as you mention, that's the real source of all the agony. I'm going to think positive for you, so you don't have to.

Ms Heathen said...

Thinking of you, A and your three embryos and hoping for good news. May this 2ww pass quickly for you, Tabi.

peesticksandstones said...

Holy cow! I still get chills thinking back to myself laying in the transfer room -- this must've been out of this world.

Totally think of you -- and will be right here for this wait! Big hugs...

momsoon said...

Wow- very cool to hear about your Valentines day!!!!
Listen, if Mickey Rourke and Slumdog Millionaire can do what they are doing, my money is on the underdog. My money is on happy endings (or beautiful beginnings!) and I am with you every step!!!

Little Six Cell seems to be, dare I say, "Sticky"?!!!!! That is my take.

Thanks for the encourgement I am receiving as I read about your journey with A. We are just starting down that road ourselves...
Light, love and Hope to you and your burrowing babies. Snuggle in little ones!!!!

Lisa said...

Pulling for you. Hard.

Lisa from infertileground

Caba said...

Wishing you the best of luck! My sister had 1 8-cell, 2 6-cell and 1 4-cell ... and they transferred all 4 into me. I got preg with triplets. So keep the faith!!!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed! And Feb 27th is my birthday too! So, double luck for ya!

alicia said...

ohhhh I have everything double and triple crossed for you!

Duck said...

I have to think that a transfer on heart day and a beta on A's birthday have to be good signs.
I get you on the emotion - what can you possibly say to someone who is willing and wanting to make you a mother - it's just something where there are no words that can accurately describe how much you appreciate them.
So I would like you to get the oscar for best film, and we would like the oscar for best foreign film, both resulting in this wild thing called a baby.

Mrs.X said...

I am crossing everything that can be crossed for you both. It is your turn, my dear. I so hope that this is the beginning of a wonderful new journey.

N said...

Pulling for you over here too! The transfer really is an amazing experience when you are on the "other end" for once (rather than being transferred to). Keep us posted!!!

DAVs said...

Ahhhh, I know these feelings so well (well, not of using a surrogate, but of pulling for those 'less than perfect' embryos!). I hope hope hope right along with you that one of them (or more) is THE ONE, and I completely believe it can happen. Good luck!