Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Oh surrogate, surrogate, wherefore art thou surrogate?

I am perched on my balcony looking out into the world hoping for her arrival. It's going to be a love story like no other. Who will you be? Where will you live? When will you appear through the trees bringing your light into this shadowed room? I am waiting again.

In our search for true love, there are always the false starts that are disappointing. We came close. A lovely woman from Iowa seemed like a great possibility but with further research we found out that Iowa would most likely require a step parent adoption. After everything I have been through I just don't think I can deal with the hassle of adopting my own child after I finally have the baby in my arms. Aren't I entitled to an end to this madness once I take a baby home? Do I really need to be subjected to a court hearing and a social worker home visit to allow me to adopt my own child when any maniac out there is allowed to have a kid naturally with no approval system? It's just absurd. So we are waiting to work with a surrogate from a state that our names can be put on the birth certificate without having to do any more legal crap to be officially "mother." 

It's hitting me these days how strange this whole thing is. This is truly online fertility dating. I study profiles of women with my requirements in my head but ultimately it comes down to a connection. Of course we want her to be healthy and fertile and honest, but there also has to be that je ne sais quoi about her that will win my complete trust. Everything can look great on paper but until you meet someone face to face you can't feel that chemistry. So as my mind runs away with dreams of Princess Charming, I know that anything and everything can happen with this new relationship. My heart beats a little faster every time I think that soon I will meet her. 

10 comments:

alicia said...

I hope you are able to find here soon. Sorry the first one didn't work out, that is crazy that they would make you go through adoption first!

JourneyofHope said...

Hi - first visit to your blog but I am glad that I found it!

Hopefully you will find a surrogate who lives in a PBO state.

You will find her and make that connection. I am so glad that you are open to a something more relationship. That's what truly makes the journey. I will have my fingers crossed for you and I am adding you to my blog list.

Duck said...

Tabi,
It's totally like that. I feel so odd it's like on line dating. We think/hope/pray that we have found our someone special, and when we met her, it was amazing. Like meeting an old friend that you haven't seen in years.
Hang in there, keep on looking.

Jaymee said...

finding the perfect surrogate often feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack. i hope that you find an amazing princess charming, in a state that will not make you go through the adoption process. since we are using an egg donor i am going to have to do a step-parent adoption no matter where we go. thankfully the hoops that we have to jump through are a lot easier than doing a "regular" adoption, or at least that is what my social worker friends tell me.

please let me know if there is anything i can do for you.

N said...

I hope that you find her soon. You have every right to hold out for the right person. You are doing the right thing and will be so worth it when you find her!

Elizabeth said...

Online fertility dating: love that! It is true. I hope you find her soon, and you will know when you have. When I found ours, it was bizarre how much of a connection there was. It felt meant to be.

eggorchicken said...

What a pity we live on opposite ends of the earth (I'm in south africa)...you sound like exactly what I'm hoping to find in my future-IP's ;)

All the best with your journey, I hope you find what you're looking for!!!

x
Yvonne

peesticksandstones said...

I have soooo many questions about how the matching process goes, etc. But I'll bug you with those next time I see you in person.

God, I cannot wait for the day we've both (finally) gotten our biggest wish granted.

Thanks, as always, for being there, lady!

Alicia said...

I pray you find your perfect surrogate soon! Have you considered traditional surrogacy?

DEMummie said...

Hmmm.... here in Canada we can now put three names on a birth certificate. This was urged on by two mom couples who wanted their "sperm donor's" name on the BC as well as both of theirs. It has the unintended side effect of easing the way for surrogacy situations too.... But surrogacy is only legal here for compassionate reasons (read no compensation).
I wish you luck in your search. I was tentatively matched with IP's here and they backed out just prior to my screening appointment with the RE. No reason... I can only attribute it to us not "clicking" so much...
Online fertility dating is EXACTLY the reality of the situation. One couple I passed on said, "well your a woman, with a uterus. You're perfect." (Too much too quick).

Anyway. I wish you luck. I'm assuming you have tried SMO?