Tuesday, April 21, 2009

No, nothing at all

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien (English Translation)

No, nothing at all, I regret nothing at all
Not the good, nor the bad. It is all the same.
No, nothing at all, I have no regrets about anything.
It is paid, wiped away, forgotten.
I am not concerned with the past, with my memories.
I set fire to my pains and pleasures,
I don't need them anymore.
I have wiped away my loves, and my troubles.
Swept them all away.
I am starting again from zero.

No, nothing at all, I have no regrets
Because from today, my life, my happiness, everything,
Starts with you!
This weekend I watched the movie "La Vie en Rose" about the great French singer Edith Piaf. Her life was abundant with tragedy on every level. Everything good that came into her life was taken away. She lost her parents. She lost her mentor. She lost her lover. She lost her child. She then lost her life to liver cancer. On paper you can't help but think, "How did this woman live on?" The one thing that did remain was of course her voice. That raw and powerful voice. It's the kind of story that reminds us that beauty still remains in the most relentless kinds of sorrow. "No, I regret nothing" is one of her most famous and is a wonderful battle cry for me right now. I want this future donor egg child to be the beginning, not the end. This child can't be part of that past pain. It's no way to start a love story. So as Edith says, "I am starting again from zero." I am rallying my soul to let go, to begin to see pain and joy as part of the same recipe. 

Tentative Cycle schedule:
Donor egg retrieval - May 8 or 9
Surrogate transfer - May 11 or 12
Beta- Right around May 24 - my 38th birthday 


Sue said...

Good luck - I hope this is the beginning of something wonderful for you!

N said...

I'll be thinking of you...so glad to see that you are getting back on the horse. I know how hard it is to do that. Hugs.

alicia said...

what a wonderful perspective I am glad you found inspiration from her life!

good luck!

JellyBelly said...

i absolutely love "la vie en rose"!

i really hope that this is the start of something great! best of luck to you tabi!

Intending To Be Parents said...

Wishing you a most wonderful birthday with the beginning of something magnificent! :)

Shinejil said...

I was so impressed by her joie de vivre,even if it always had a shadow over it. A good lesson for us all.

And you share her persistence and courage. I'll be thinking of you, your donor, and your surrogate and wishing all of you strength and health in the next few weeks.

DAVs said...

What a great attitude. I agree--whatever/however we become mothers marks the beginning of something beautiful, separate from the pain. Not that the pain goes away like presto-magic, but hopefully it won't overshadow the joy.
Wishing you loads of luck!

Elizabeth said...

Thinking of you, Tabi. I'm sending lots of good vibes and wishing wonderful things for you.

Shinejil said...

Good luck to all of you as this cycle kicks off.